I think I’m a difficult person to be friends with. I’m the CEO of pushing people away. There’s something in my brain that tells me that no matter how good someone is being to me I’d be better off alone out of fear they’ll just choose one day to leave. That means I don’t reply to texts, sometimes I even cancel plans, I don’t answer calls and I can suck at sincerely telling people how much they mean to me.
Is anyone else also so introverted that they need to be alone a lot find peace but everyone else takes this personally and assume you it’s because you just don’t care?
But despite this I’ve managed to create some friendships that have stood the test of time. People that I really call my people. I’ve called them in the night crying, told them my deepest fears and they’ve stood by me in all my phases. The distant phase, the I won’t let go of the toxic guy phase and the completely lost phase.
How did I do it? This isn’t the how to build a big ‘girls group’ type thing. I’m not really a big group person I guess.
1. Find people in walking in your direction. I’ve never felt more out of place and uncomfortable than when I’ve been in big groups of people gossiping and competing for attention. Find people that you can get lost in conversation with about any topic for hours. People that share your morals and interests. You’ll be able to be yourself around them much quicker. And remember, if they gossip to you about their other friends, they’re probably gossiping about you too.
2. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Honestly, whatever you do don’t be scared of the girl with the resting you know what face (sorry I’m trying not to swear…) These girls are 10/10, the realest. Some of my closest friendships are with girls who when I first saw I made assumptions about and I was so wrong. She looks mean, she probably wouldn’t like me or she’s not my type of girl. God probably wants to teach me to stop judging because these girls make the best friends. They're the type that offers you their skirt and lipgloss for a date you have at the weekend.
3. Be who you claim you are. Sometimes your friendships fall apart because of you. Yep, I’m sorry to tell you sometimes it is actually your fault. The friendships I treasure most are the ones I know I can count on. Any time, any situation. Can your friends really count on you? When you say they can trust you with anything can they really trust you with anything? Or will you let their private information slip because you love a little gossip (who doesn’t, right? Wrong.)
4. Support their goals, plans and careers. Share their content, use their services and get on board with their goals. There’s nothing worse than friends who don’t care about your professional life at all.
5. Tell them the truth with and out of love. Ephesians 4:15. Solid friends tell us the truth. Yeah it hurts when your friends tell you that the guy your dating needs to be dropped immediately or that you could have dealt with something differently. But your true friends want to see you do well and know your potential. I remember when one of my friends told me a guy had lowered my confidence and wasn’t as strong or happy as I used to be. Ouch. But it was true.
6. Leave your judgement at the door.
7. You don’t need to best friends with everybody. Accepting yourself for who you are and knowing what you want out of life will only attract others who on that same level. Let the right people choose you.
8. Put yourself out there. The amount of tweets I’ve seen saying I wish I could DM girls and ask to be friends but I’m too shy. Just try! More often than not that person is also open to making new friends. What’s the worst that can happen? You don’t really click and you’re not friends. But say it does and you’ve made a new friend that you can talk to, go shopping with and laugh with. It’s worth the risk of putting yourself out there.
9. Let go. Not all friendships last a lifetime and they’re not supposed to. Some friendships are only for a season. If it’s expired don’t lose sleep over it.
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